If not my surname or my husbands, could we call our child after a New Zealand volcano?

Franki Cookney and her husband didnt similar to one anothers surnames, now theyre getting an infant theyve made the decision to choose a replacement

When my hubby, Take advantage of, and Imarried this past year, the issue of how to handle our surnames barely joined our discussions. We’re both authors, so our names take presctiption every good article we all do. That people would keep our very own appeared confirmed. There is only one niggling doubt. What can happen when we had children?

I’d always believed that we’d just stick both our names onthe birth record, but Iknew this didnt quite solve the issue. Whose name would go first? Andwhich name would finish up getting used?

We’re able to make use of a double-barrel name, butdidnt feel our surnames, Cookney and Davies, lentthemselves to hyphenation. Whichever order you select, it makes sense clunky so we were unwilling to saddle a young child by using it.

We’re able to have recently selected whichever name sounded best with this babys name. However in that scenario, one parent winds up not discussing a surname using their child nor people wanted that. Plus, Id heard a lot of tales of oldsters being stopped at airport terminal security since the names on their own passports didnt match those of their kids.

The standard choice of taking my husbands surname never was up for grabs. Quite in addition to the feminist principle of hesitant to relinquish my identity for his, I wasnt interested in the name. Take advantage of supported this and it was in no way offended. The problem was, he wasnt keen on my name either. Its just a little unwieldy, he stated. Its almost Cockney although not quite. Youre constantly getting to spell out. We checked out our moms maiden names and our grandma and grandpa names but always wound up back in the same location, feeling it wasnt equal, that picking one for reds from the family over another wasnt fair.

We hit on the thought of going for a new name about last year when before our wedding we visited write our wills. Once we chatted to among the solicitors, it transpired he and the wife tried exactly this. There is a lot of admin, nevertheless its good, it really works, he stated, nodding decisively. All of a sudden, it didnt appear so outlandish. This wasnt some childish rebellion or bohemian pretentiousness, it was something lawyers did!

We mooted it with buddies, who have been largely unfazed. What name will you opt for? was the factor these were most interested in. Good question. Could we combine the letters in our names and make something totally new, we wondered. Lists were created: Nicks, Cave, Devine, Kinsey, Dacovnicks Cookies? Not one of them quite hit the objective.

As our wedding came nearer, we place the name game on the back burner. However when I grew to become pregnant three several weeks later, i was forced to check out the problem anew and made the decision to alter tack. What about a location? I recommended. Somewhere weve visited that people loved. A backpacking stint before we’ve got married had left us with sufficient to select from but many sounded pretty bizarre when attached to a few ordinary Brits. Take advantage of and Franki Tongariro possessed a particular vitality, but naming yourself following a Nz volcano could be absurd. And Zhangjiajie might conjure recollections of spectacular Chinese mountain tops, but imagine getting to spell it any time you booked a hair appointment or known as your online provider. For some time Salento and Chaltn were out there, after places in Colombia and Argentina. But we werent convinced we’re able to accomplish the clearly Latino-sounding former andsuspected the second would result in a duration of correcting individuals who pronounced it Charlton.

Then Take advantage of stated, How about Stone Town? The gorgeous old capital of scotland- Zanzibar City is how he’d requested me to marry him. It instantly felt right. Stone was straightforward but significant. It sounded good with our first names after a couple of days of attempting it up with other names would fully trust just about anything we chose for the baby. It had been perfect: a good name (having a possibility of puns which was not lost upon us) that felt just like a constructive means to fix our problem. We’d keep our original surnames for work and adopt this latest family reputation for your own lives.

Legally, all that you should do to modify your name is, well, change it out. Simply adopting and taking advantage of your brand-new name is sufficient. Updating your accounts and records, however, needs a document of proof like a marriage license or,in our situation, a deed poll. There’s no official method of obtaining a deed poll. You are able to write one yourself using free templates from the web, but insufficient clearness concerning the process leads to some institutions demanding an authentic certificate even though no such factor exists. You may either challenge each other or do what we should did and pay 15-20 for an organization like the Deed Poll Office to attract in the letter in your account and print and stamp it on watermarked paper. Because of the listing of physiques and organisations you’ve tonotify and also the potential arguments over what constitutes an authentic certificate, this appeared an acceptable compromise.

Possibly it had been naive, but we didnt be prepared to talk with resistance. Uncertainty, possibly. Intrigue, without a doubt. If this found marriage, we’d ditched nearly every tradition going, barring the wedding itself, with no you asked us. Surely that as well could be seen as an modern update with an outdated custom. However when we announced our decision to the families, the response was mixed.

Franki and Rob. Photograph: Christian Sinibaldi for the Guardian

While they understood our predicament, the common refrain was that the child would lose the connection to its family history. Try as I might, I cant understand this. To me, family history goes far deeper than ones name. Its in the way we live, our values, the wisdom and shared experience passed down through generations. It is part of the storytelling our parents did and its in the stories we, too, will tell and the beliefs we will share.

Our roots are not in our names, they are in our hearts. My grandmother, whose surname was Jones, is important to me not because of her name but because of her love. My great-grandmother, a midwife I never even met, let alone shared a name with, forms a part of my sense of identity. Why? Because of the way my own mother talks about her, because of the pictures she has painted in my head of that life, that family, that time.

Interestingly, the name itself has also proved a sticking point, with a few people commenting that its boring. Youre doing this really unusual thing but youve picked a really ordinary name, said one colleague, as though by doing something different we are obliged to go the whole hog and call ourselves Rob and Franki Thundercats.

In fact, the accessibility of the name was something we thought would help us sell the idea. It turns out we were naive there, too. My mother, a former primary school teacher, insisted that someone called Stone would be teased. Another relative described it as a dead weight of a name.

In my experience, kids will come up with nicknames no matter what. I spent much of my school years known as Franki Cookie while my first name was frequently elongated to Frankenstein, Frankincense or Frankfurter.

Never tell people your name choices in advance, advised one friend (too late). Its as if telling people in advance is inviting a dialogue or consultation!

While my familys feelings obviously matter to me, I suspect she might be right. Ultimately, this is our decision, based on our needs, and I hope they will come to see it as a practical and positive step, not an irresponsible one.

Its almost impossible to get everyone on board, counselled another friend, who changed her surname by deed poll in 2004. The idea upset my grandma but my dad, her son, understood. When I married my husband, hetook my name. Im still not sure his brother was 100% behind us, but when we had our first son, he was the first to be born into our dynasty. Im so excited that we are the first in our tree!

This is exactly how I feel. I love the idea that our baby will be born into this new, specially chosen and carefully thought-out family name. And if one day he or she decides to change it either to something new or to one of our old family names we will fully support that.

Even when you change names, lineage can still be traced and, if nothing else, I like to think we will belooked back on as the ones who tried something new; who instead ofmaking do with an unsatisfactory situation, thought creatively about how to solve it. Thats a family legacy Im happy with.

Find out more: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/may/20/if-not-my-surname-or-my-husbands-could-we-call-our-child-after-a-new-zealand-volcano